i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
