I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
