i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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