she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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