Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
