The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
