I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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