i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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