We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Rumble strips road head = magical
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
