So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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