Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
