wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
