last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
