Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
