I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
