So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
