He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
