I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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