theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
