you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
