Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
