My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
