i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
