so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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