i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
