You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
