Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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