oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
