i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
my poor anus
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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