i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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