When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
