I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
