So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
