I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
