so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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