Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Semen is not good for contacts.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
