my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
