May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
