Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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