At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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