Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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