I'm so fucking centered right now
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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