Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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