You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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