It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
