yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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