i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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