kristin has been a bad kristin
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
