i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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