Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
