There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
