His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
