I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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