Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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