He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
bring money and cleavage
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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