my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
