I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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