Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Houston, we have a squirter
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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