They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
