so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So much rum. So many feels.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
