I'm really into asian looking animals
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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