You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
