I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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