Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
