I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
they call him Oral-B. enough said
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
