I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
